Do you believe you are enough?
I grew up believing that in most ways I was not enough. I was not pretty enough, I was not good enough, I was not tactful enough, I was not socially savvy enough, I was not quiet enough, I was not thin enough, I was not positive enough, I was not religious enough. Pick any area and I probably believed I was not enough. I truly believed I was less than the people around me. Sometimes I felt like people could just look at me and see exactly how "not enough" I was. At other times I thought I was doing a superb job of hiding just how lacking I was in some area, but I always knew that at any moment I could be discovered.
I also grew up with this fire that somehow I was going to become enough. On one side I was fueled by anger, rage, frustration, and a dislike of myself and my circumstance. And then, on the other side was this deep belief that I have trouble explaining. It told me I was meant for more but I had no idea what that more was. I was driven to go to college because I believed an education was the first step in reaching my goal to become "enough". I picked a major that I knew could produce a stable income and allow me to advance in corporate land, where I would finally reach the elusive "enough". Surely having money and stability would give me the means to be enough. But why did I still feel "less than" when I got out of college, got the corporate job, and finally had all the puzzle pieces I thought it took to become "enough"?
After all these years, the goals I had mapped out and worked toward still didn't help me find "enough". I still felt less than. Even with a great husband and loyal friends, I still felt like I wasn’t good enough. There were certain areas I felt like I had finally found enough, at least most of the time, but over all I was still not enough. Why?!?
Well, I found the answer. It was me. I was judging myself against external standards. I was judging myself against things outside of my core values. I was judging my worthiness against what society says is enough. Against what I thought people around me believed to be enough. Let me give you a heads up, you will NEVER feel like enough when you are standing next to society's measuring stick. It was only once I learned to look inward that things began to click. I started to figure out what it really meant to be enough. By being true to myself I am finally enough. What it means to be enough may look different to me than it does to you, and that's okay. I may still need occasional reminders (I think we all do), but I believe I have finally found my "enough".
So what does being enough mean to you? What drives you? Do you ever feel like you are not enough?
One of the best resources I've found for learning about what it means to be enough is the work of Brene Brown. Brene Brown is changing the world and if you are not familiar with her, I suggest you change that quickly! Listen to her ted talks, go to her Courage Works site (www.courageworks.com), read her books. What you will learn can change your life. It will change how you see yourself and the world around you.